I’m wondering if I am in a rut, structurally. I keep wanting to do repeating small verses. Not really sure why. But I like the emphasis it brings to the ideas. And the longer verses between add to or modify the meanings of the small verses. I’ll just have to pay attention, and make sure they really are serving a purpose when I use them.
I have a lot of ideas that I want to write, but I’m a little afraid to explore them, because I’m afraid some people might think they are real experiences or feelings. I am far too sensitive. Patrick says I take things too personally, and he is right, but I don’t think that is something I can or would change at this point. It is part of who I am. Other people’s emotions affect me deeply. That sense or (illusion) of empathy makes me someone people have found easy to talk to in the past. It also causes me problems. I may think I’m catching the emotions, but sometimes I’m 180° wrong, and react the wrong way, or misunderstand terribly what was meant. Especially in writing. I know other people can be just as easily confused.
I don’t think I can let that worry me, and still be able to meet the challenge I have put to myself. I just hope that if anyone has questions or worries, they will trust me enough to ask me about it. But I have to stretch myself, and see what I can do. I can’t allow myself to be limited by what other people might think.
I think I have divided my poetry into 3 types at this point. Entertainers are the ones that are just there, like Dancer. They don’t require much beyond descriptive detail and pretty words. Heart stretchers are the ones that are my real feelings, or close to my real feelings. Those I am more reluctant to share, and may not. Head stretchers are the ones that aren’t real, but theoretically could be. Those are the ones that could be easily misunderstood, and they are also going to be the hardest. Some of those are going to make me extremely uncomfortable. I am going to have to think a lot about things that strike me as wrong. Things that could have happened in another life. Things that almost happened in this life. Things from other points of view. Twists on my real feelings and experiences.
Writing seems to be out of my control at this point. I am going to write, whether I am supposed to be doing something else or not. So I might as well share what I am writing. Well, some of it, anyway.