It sounds very dramatic, but I am still recovering from living in the apartment. The dimness, the cramped space, the constant noises all around me were a small slice of my own private hell.
I missed my family and friends in Alaska. Patrick had trouble finding work, then the evening job he found kicked in his depression, between us never seeing each other, and the job itself. I felt like a failure, when in September they pulled me from the position I started at here. My job and salary became a bit uncertain. I had a very traumatic misunderstanding with someone who was dear to me. This was not a winter I would ever want to repeat. For a while, almost everything felt bad. Except the weather. That was wonderful.
I hadn’t realized how wearing it all was.
Things are definitely better. Patrick has found a job that fits him very well, including being able to do some work from home. My position has stabilized. I have gotten to help put a sub-department together from the ground up, am getting to train people, and drive how this particular piece of the company works. I’m getting my confidence back. After six months, we finally got into the house.
I find myself not wanting to be downstairs much. It is above ground, but it is cooler, and darker, than upstairs. I think it is a reaction to the dim damp we spent all winter in. Upstairs has windows on 3 sides of the living room. Upstairs, I can see Commencement Bay/ Puget Sound, and trees, and birds, and boats. Upstairs has light. I knew I would get caught up in the view. I didn’t expect relief from the NEED to be in motion when I look out onto the water. I guess it moves enough for both of us.
This house feels like home. This house feels like beginnings. This house feels like safety. This house feels like love, and friends, and laughter, and music. In this house, my heart can be quiet.
I’m slowly crawling back into the light.
YAY! So glad for you guys. How is the daily weather there? I hear “rain rain rain” but when we were there it was “Sun sun sun!!!”
You know, we heard the same thing. “Oh, you are going to be miserable, it’s always raining, the sun never shines, blah, blah, blah.” The weather here is less rainy than Anchorage has been the last couple of years. And there were very few truely cold days this winter. Most days, there is at least a little bit of sunshine. 🙂